3 Simple Ways to Cope with Postpartum Anxiety

Ok.  Ok you can laugh at me.  I had never changed a diaper before having a baby.  There’s a very real reason for that!  I had never taken care of one in my life until the day i held her for the first time.  I had really wanted to babysit, and yet growing up in New York City in a bustling apartment building with few babies, I guess i was just never asked.  So cut to having a baby and the nurse looking at me to change and swaddle her for the first time, and me looking back at her stunned and speechless, eventually eking out:  “I guess you’re going to have to show me.”  The shocked look that followed with:  “You didn’t take a parenting class?”   Nope.  And yet, at my baby shower, I had received a kind gift from a kind friend with a simple note:  “You’ll know what to do.”  It’s true–but before having those confidence-building experiences, they release you into the wild with your baby in a car seat, bundled up and helpless–and they trust us to readily keep this small being alive for the rest of their life. 

Somehow, instinctually, (and i know because i felt every cry in my body every time one would happen), women are built to feel a baby so strongly, the alarm bells and all, that we can awake from a very deep slumber without even a second thought to meet a need in an instant.  And thank goodness for that, it’s hard-wired.  BUT what happens when our alarm system is a bit too jumpy–for lack of a better word.  What if we are jumping up when we don’t need to because our nervous system is wired towards impending threat and doom to be brought down upon our baby, or perhaps ourselves.  Unfortunately, this can make already sleepless nights even more sleepless and exhausting, until you’re burnt out, snapping at your partner and other kids, and starting to neglect your own needs.  This is when one might be entering the realm of Postpartum Anxiety– and there are many things that can be done to replace Dr. Google and ease those symptoms holistically over time.  Bad things can and do happen, but not nearly as much as your dysregulated and strung out nervous system would like you to believe.

Here are the Top 3 Simple Ways of Dealing with Postpartum Anxiety:

1.  Join a Mom Group–multiple Mom Groups

photo by Glow Mama

Women need other women.  Not only that, women need other women who will reflect them calmly and accurately.  We can’t go parenting alone– it wasn’t meant to be done that way.  Women need to be able to express their thoughts and feelings to a group or community, even if those thoughts and feelings feel taboo, unusual, or scary. If a parenting group happens to make you feel worse about your experiences, how you’re thinking and feeling, then definitely speak up or find the exit.  A supportive group will be able to have everyone reveal some of their vulnerabilities and insecurities because no one has this parenting thing down perfectly– a group will make you feel more likeness rather than shame for not parenting well enough.  So seek out supportive people who tend away from advice and move towards understanding, and who would encourage help-seeking if you were starting to have experiences that feel outside of the range of “normal.”  You may even find a good supportive Facebook group– my top go-to group is actually a sisterly alum group through my Alma Mater Smith College.  I also belong to two local online parenting groups by neighborhood in Brooklyn.  Top 20 Mom Groups located in NYC

2.  Do Neurofeedback–a lot of Neurofeedback

I felt very lucky to have been able to do neurofeedback throughout my entire pregnancy.  My nervous system and brain naturally tend towards worry– being able to do neurofeedback once a week (and twice, even better), I was able to catch myself much more easily when going down an unhealthy rabbit hole of despair (usually about the health of the unborn child which is much more common) and move into healthier choices and behaviors.  Neurofeedback helps to re-regulate the nervous system by triggering a reorienting response in the brain to come into the present and take in present, reality-based, true information.  Often times when we come into the present more fully, we can find that at this moment, we (and our baby) are actually safe, healthy, and out of harm’s way– that small cough they have is not tuberculosis, but rather something that’s been going around daycare for months anyway.  If there is a need for a quick response to something actually threatening– we want our nervous system to be regulated enough to respond swiftly and effectively.  In other words, neurofeedback trains our nervous system to be in a calm alert state, ready to respond only when necessary and saving energy when we don’t.

3.  Use mindfulness practices to come back to what is actually happening in the moment

During these alone times, you might actually want to practice mindfulness.  You can practice full-on mindfulness meditation by using your alone time opportunities to establish a meditation practice.  Or you can practice mindfulness on the go.  How?  Well, you’re always mindful of something.  You can even be “mindful” of a video game.  It just means you’re orienting your attention to something other than your thinking mind.  So perhaps you can take the next 5 minutes to just listen to all the sounds around you.  Or the next 5 minutes to only pay attention to the bottom of your feet as they’re touching the floor when you walk around the apartment.  If you start thinking, no problem, just reorient back to the sound, the feet, your breath, your choice.  Sometimes, thoughts can be especially fast with anxiety–so it’s an opportunity to even stop to notice how fast your thoughts might be and register–“oh, I’m anxious, perhaps I need to slow down a little bit” or “What might I need around my anxiety right now? Do I need to bounce thoughts/ideas off a mom friend?”  Start a meditation practice 

If you feel you are struggling with Postpartum Anxiety or Depression, don’t suffer alone.  Feel free to set up an appointment or give Heather a call for a 10-minute consult at (347) 708-6177.  

So the Top 3 Ways to Cope with Postpartum Anxiety:

1. Join a Mom Group– Multiple Mom Groups

2. Do Neurofeedback– A lot of Neurofeedback

3. Use mindfulness practices to come back to what is actually happening in the moment